4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days
Jul 5th, 2008 | By Rick | Category: Humor
Editor’s note: before being produced by a Romanian company, 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days was pitched to a Hollywood studio. Here’s an account of the meeting, taken from a clandestine tape recording made by the executive.
The vice-president for development sits across a big desk from the producer. His chair is slightly higher so he can look down on the nervous man. “You have three minutes. Whaddya got?”
“It’s called 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days. It’s set in Romania, in the depths of the Ceauçescu regime.”
“Chow-chess-who?”
“Ceauçescu. Nicholae Ceauçescu. Brutal communist strongman,”
“Oh.”
“It opens on a bleak, cluttered dorm-room and in it are two co-eds, getting dressed . . . “
“Co-eds! Now you’re talkin’ . . . hot, young co-eds!”
“Uh, yeah . . . their names are Otilia and Gabriela.”
“What the hell kinda name’s Otilia? Sounds like some southern Auntie, ‘Can ah get yew sum mint julep, Miss Otilia?’ What the hell kinda name’s Otilia?”
“It’s, uh, Romanian . . .”
“Well, change it. Call her something cute, something American, for Christ’s sake, like Meg. Yeah, Meg . . . I like it. She’s the perky, yet brainy one and Gabriela — Gaby for short — Gaby’s the beautiful one. It’s like . . . LaVerne and Shirley, or Thelma and Louise, only in a dorm room! I like it!”
“Um, yeah . . . well, anyway, they’re trying to come up with some cash, they’ve borrowed nearly three thousand from their friends, and we see them dealing for stuff on the black market, trading with friends, we see Otilia . . . I mean, Meg, fighting with her boyfriend.”
“Slice of life stuff! Women love that kinda thing! Do they have sex?”
“Well, no . . .”
“They gotta have sex. Steamy, artistic sex. What’re they raising the cash for?”
“Well, it’s for an abortion . . . you see, abortions were illegal under the Ceauçescu regime, and women like Gabriela were forced to go to back-alley abortionists. Very dangerous. Lot of ‘em died.”
“Abortion, huh? Risky, risky . . . but Mammoth Studio’s known for taking risks. Revered, for it, even . . . and this might work. Yes! I can see it! Gaby and her plucky side-kick Meg, struggling with a repressive society. It’s got pathos! Humor! Their struggles with their consciouses mirrored by their struggles with the evil abortionist Vlad. After an exciting chase through the streets of Bulgaria — there is a chase in it, isn’t there? — after an exciting chase through the streets of Bulgaria, they come to their senses and decide to have the baby after all. Heartwarming, heartwarming. An instant classic!”
“Uh, sir? They, um, go through with the abortion.”
“What? You’re killing me here! You wanna lose the whole religious right? I’m gonna have to pass. Next!”
(Editor’s other note: 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days is nothing like the development guy’s vision. Written and directed by Cristian Mungiu, it is a riveting, well-acted drama that won the Golden Palm award last year at Cannes. It is heartily recommended.)
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Interesting approach to a movie review, Rick - and sadly not much of an exaggeration.
Hehe, this very likely could have happened, but I’m almost glad it did since an American-produced version of it most likely would have been awful.
Rick — I got tired of writing the same old same old … but I’m better now.
Daniel — Whaddya mean “could have happened?” It’s right there in the transcript, right there in black and white, left on my back porch in the dead of night by a disgruntled former script-boy of Michael Bay …
Rick, this is the best thing I’ve read in days.
Just thought you should know.
Thanks, Luke. I appreciate it.
Rick, that was absolutely awesome. The satire was biting and black - i lack that kind of humour. With a simple, ingenious stroke you have managed to point out what the movie could have been, and how fortunate we are that it turned out otherwise - an absolutely terrific work of art. Would love to read more such kinds of review.
Thanks, Shubhajit. I was trying to do something different than the typical review. I’m glad you appreciated it.
I cannot wait to see this…I really, really want to.