All, right, copper — uh, Fox — you got me. You tagged me with Piper’s Fake Film Festival meme. Here are the rules:
1) Choose 12 Films to be featured. They could be random selections or part of a greater theme. Whatever you want.
2) Explain why you chose the films.
3) Link back to Lazy Eye Theatre so I can have hundreds of links so I (Piper) can take those links and spread them all out on the bed and then roll around in them.
4) The people selected then have to turn around and select 5 more people.
So without further ado, and because I find that the thought of Piper rolling around on the bed amongst a pile of links is haunting my dreams, here’s my Shoddily-Conceived Film Festival. Enjoy!
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Monday is Six Degrees of J.M. Barrie Night.
I chose this unlikely pair ’cause of something I saw on somebody else’s blog … over at Cinexcellence where Striderdemme has a link to a YouTube video of a strange cameo, I saw this clip of Glenn Close of all people in Hook, and it got me to thinking about how I thought Spielberg’s flick was a underrated (c’mon … haven’t we all wanted to shrink Julia Roberts down to the size of a gnat?), and then I saw that I was gonna have to come up with six pairs of flicks and I thought “nu.” Related by a sly performance by Johnny Depp as James Barry and a treacly one by Robin Williams as a whiny, overage Pan.
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Tuesday is Overblown Mess Night
They both begin with “A.” Seriously … they do! Check it out! They do! Beyond that, one of them is pretentious — yet fun! — pseudo-art-house fare with a balding, bloated star and the other one is a humble — yet overblown — popcorn flick with a balding, bloated star. I’ll leave it to you, dear readers, to figure out which is which. And note that “Criterion Collection” on the top of the Armageddon DVD case. Criterion and Michael Bay: made for each other!
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Wednesday is Stylistic Tic Night
Really, two of my favorite movies, from two of my favorite directors, why not have them side-by-side? It’s my fake film festival, after all . . . the directors in question — Robert Altman, in a comeback of sorts, and Martin Scorsese — are at the top of their form, and both have distinctive styles that make their work instantly recognizable. In addition, these two films are tied together by a single element of style, although Altman’s use of it is decidedly tongue-and-cheek. Tim Robbins (The Player) and Robert De Niro (Goodfellas) are fabulous, as usual, and — get this! — the films came out only two years apart! Coincidence? I think not . . .
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Thursday is Where’d You Put My Tuba Night
New York, New York/Everyone Says I Love You
All right, so I have two Scorsese movies, but it’s all right, ’cause New York, New York ain’t much of a movie. De Niro and Liza Minelli have less than zero chemistry; De Niro’s pose as a jazz musician is a farce, and Minelli’s submissive, hit-me jive gets tiring after five or so minutes. I think the whole concept — a musical with Serious Big Themes and a dark underbelly is the problem. Who wants to see a dysfunctional couple break into song?
And then there’s Woody Allen’s stab at the musical, where everything was recorded “live” and nobody sang to playback. The less said about that the better, although it begs the question: what is it about being an acclaimed director makes you think that you can be the savior of a dying genre? Is it ego or hubris or just plain old greed? C’mon . . . inquiring minds want to know.
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Friday is Spurious Comparison Night
No Country for Old Men/There Will Be Blood
These two fabulous films came out the same year! No shit! And, as if nobody in the blogosphere or critic-land (I know, I know … they overlap) can handle two great movies in the same friggin’ year, they were immediately pitted against each other, and we were treated to great snarling battles of No-Countries and Bloods. In reality, these two movies were so much unalike that they complimented each other in a weird way. No Country was all coldly calculating, perfectly-pitched technique, whereas There Will Be Blood wears its heart on its sleeve, a voluptuous hot-house fever-dream with performances to match. Why can’t we all just get along?
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Saturday is Night of the Living Sketch-comedy Refugees
I put these two together to show just how hard it is to hop from TV to the movies, or maybe how hard comedy really is, or how hard-up has-been sketch-comics can get. Oh, hell … I chose ‘em because I could. I have the power, you know? But it wasn’t easy, let me tell you . . . there’s at least 27 movies where Eddie Murphy puts on a female fat-suit (I’m beginning to wonder whether he has, ah, issues), and about 17 where Myers just isn’t very funny. Choosing only two was a real chore. Note: I put this double bill at the end so that if you want, you can just stay home and watch Saturday Night Live.
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All right, so I’m supposed to tag some fellow bloggers now, huh? I think I’ll choose . . . everybody! What a way to chicken out, huh?
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Well planned Rick…
Though forgive me if I enjoy Everyone Says I Love You when I show up at your festival.
Though, you are correct about the ego in the undertaking of that film. But see, I have this problem with Woody Allen: I’m extremely, blindly biased when it comes to him. I’m still trying to find that other person out there that likes Small Time Crooks as much as I do.
Well . . . I might have enjoyed Everybody Says a bit more than I let on … I too have a Woody Allen bias. Besides, where else can you go to see Alan Alda break into song?
And what is it that’s so disconcerting about it (other than the fact he can’t sing?)
Great themes. I’m gonna watch the one with the bloated, balding stars.
Thanks, Fletch. I’ll take a bloated, balding star any day.
Rick -
I’m going to join Fox in enjoying “Everyone Says I Love You.” It’s far from perfect, but at least Allen knows how to stage musical numbers (compare them to John Turturro’s unholy messes in “Romance and Cigarettes.”
(And, Fox, your search is over. I love “Small Time Crooks.”)
I’d skip the first half of “Where’d You Put Your Tuba” night though – I’ve recently rewatched “New York, New York” (for the first time in almost 30 years) and it is a godawful mess. When Liza Minelli was on “Inside the Actor’s Studio,” she told James Lipton that all the dialogue in “NY NY” was improvised and I believe it. But it’s improvised very poorly.
Pat, see my response to Fox … I probably like “Everyone Says” more than I let on … and I also liked “Romance and Cigarettes,” unholy mess that it is.
It doesn’t surprise me that dialog in “New York, New York” was improvised, it really was not good. De Niro played such a creep that I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what Liza’s character saw in him. Again . . . who wants to watch a couple of co-dependents break into song?
By the way, if you haven’t been until now, consider yourself tagged.
Are you trying to sell tickets or kill any last shred of taste in the people who go to this fest? Seriously, who Photoshopped “Criterion Collection” onto Armaggedon?
Kill any last shred of taste.
And I’m hurt that you would think I’d malign the name of “The Criterion Collection.” They’ve done that very nicely themselves, thank you very much — “Armageddon” really is a Criterion Collection film, as you can see if you go here.
By the way, so is “The Rock.”
Life as we know it is OVER.
I have no idea what possessed them to do that, either.
The whole festival looks like a boatload of fun all except for that last night. Methinks the world may explode with those two put together. Roger Ebert once said that a certain movie he saw “didn’t improve on the sight of a blank screen.” Very apropos here.
I’ve got some love for Everyone Says too. It was the first Allen film I ever saw and I saw it at a very young age, wondering why everyone sounded so weird when they sang. Now I know!
Spurious Comparison Night would be a little slice of heaven.
Geez … the first Allen movie you saw was THAT one? So atypical … and you watched more?
“The Love Guru,” I am proud to say, I’ve never seen. “Norbit,” on the other hand, was HBO the other night … oy.
You’ll notice that they never say what Criterion they use when selecting their films (it’s just a single “Criterion”, though — it must be a doozy of one).
I’d also like to add that live singing can work in a movie musical — if you haven’t seen the film version of The Fantasticks, you should. It’s not perfect, but it works a lot better than you’d expect.
Luke, I think the Criterion used in this case was a monetary one.
Thanks for the tip on The Fantasticks. I’ll check it out.
Rick – I assume you are tagging me for the 12 Movie Meme?
Yup. Hope you’ll do it!
I think Rick is right with the Criterion Armageddon being a cash cow. The Rock was a big one for them too in the early days, as well as Chasing Amy, as far as bringing in funds.
Which is fine with me as long as they can keep bringing us stuff like … well, like Rick’s post above this one!!!
You know, Criterion has spoiled me for DVDs … it’s hard for me to buy a “normal” one anymore. There’s so many good Criterions out there.
On the other hand, they’ve been accused of unduly influencing the canon of what is well-regarded simply by making them available. I think that’s right, but what’re you gonna do? Without them, we wouldn’t have the Kurosawas, the Ozu’s nearly as available …
The differences between the last two days could not be more insanely huge – or funny. But what would play first – Norbit or The Love Guru?
God, what a tough question … I think I’d play Norbit first, because, oh, hell, I have no idea . . .