Tidy Knighty
Aug 19th, 2008 | By Rick | Category: News & Comment
Somebody said including a picture of this joker would attract readers. Did it work?
This summer, movies have done boffo business at the box-office, with so-called comic-book movies like Iron Man, Hellboy II and Hancock making boodles of cash. The clear-cut winner in all of this is something called The Dark Kite or The Masked Blight or something like that, a violent rip-off of Tim Burton’s Batman. Of course, I wouldn’t know: I haven’t seen either of them. The last movie I saw was Pizza’s Honor, the final film by the late, great John Houston, may he rest in peace.
Anyway, The Dark Sprite is threatening to break Titanic’s $600 million domestic box-office record to become the highest grossing movie of all time. Box-office figures, of course, are pored over and argued about at coffee-shops and over lines of coke all over Hollywood, and that’s all right, given that the number one cultural value in tinsel-town is greed. But they’re also breathlessly reported every Monday on “legitimate” news outlets like the New York Times and CNN, and what I want to know is why? Do they really think anyone outside of Hollywood really cares which mindless film beat out which other mindless film over the weekend?
What interests me, the Cinema Curmudgeon, more than box office figures is all that cultural stuff that goes along with them. Here’s a quote from Gregory Ellwood at MSN Movies about this summer’s blockbusters: “What moviegoers told Hollywood is that if they can’t wait to see a new flick, they are going to plan their lives around it when it finally opens.” Plan their lives around them? Puh-leeze! I suppose they throw Batman parties or write about Carrie and all the other self-centered women of Sex in the City endlessly in their blog thingies, don’t they? I bet they buy Iron Man cups and spew Iron Man quotes and vote mindless comic-book adaptations number one on imdb.com, where I personally go for all my serious movie-critic-type needs.
Do people really plan their lives around crap like Mamma Mia!? How pathetically dweeb-like is that? Planning anything more important than a nap around a candy-ass movie is for suckers. Now, I gotta go … American Idol reruns are on. Wouldn’t want to miss them.
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Sheesh…. fine Rick! I mean, I thought I was being a gentleman when I sent you an Evite to a special screening of Mamma Mia! this Saturday, but if you wanna be all passive aggressive about it instead of a simple “no thanks” then I guess I’ve learned something new about Mr. Olson today.
Fox, I love “Mama Mia” … by all means, let’s get together and invite all our little friends — Bill and Jonathan for sure — and have a “Mama Mia” shower. I’ll get something old, you get something new, then we’ll go to a special screening.
It’s that Curmudgeon guy who hates that kind of thing. I don’t know who he is, but I saw a ‘62 Volkswagen Beetle sitting outside my house with a shadowy figure inside. When I approached, it roared off, kicking up gravel into my face. Or maybe it was a ‘63 Beetle, the damn things all look alike.
I’ll bring the mojitos and, I don’t know…s’mores? Is that what chicks who like Mama Mia eat at their Mama Mia parties?
However, I’ll have you know, I did plan my day around The Dark Knight. So if you have something smart to say about that, let’s hear it.
I believe they eat those little weenies that you put in sauce in one of those crock pot things. (I’ll leave it to you to read the significance of that)
When I saw that wondrous film, here’s how it went down: my long-suffering wife said “I hear there’s some piece of crap about Batman playing down at the Bijou … wanna go?” and I said, “well, I’ve filed my nails and cleaned the bathtub, so I guess there’s nothing else to do.”
If I’d have known how much of a blog-post mine it would be, I’d have gone a lot sooner.
I just went back and checked out your Dark Knight review. I’ve talked so much about that film that I’m kind of burned out, so I’ll just say: I think it’s the best film of the year so far. That’s right, I’m one of those people.
I’m not looking to re-open the dialog on that film, either, but in all seriousness, as I hope I made clear in my review, I didn’t think it was a bad film, just an average one, with several major flaws. Not the second coming of Jesus Christ, just an ok movie.
We love you, Cinema Curmudgeon!
Christ, y’all! It’s Mamma Mia! with 2 Ms and an exclamation point!
Bill, how would you like it of I went around typing The Darck Night??
Rick, how would you like it if I blogged about that awesome movie Grand Allusion by John Renwar??
A little respect, guys.
p.s. I can’t tell what Daniel’s angle is yet… does he want to come to the Mamma Mia! party, or not?
Daniel — Is that a love that dare not say it’s name?
Fox — I was just thinkin’ about my old eye-talian Mama, who didn’t look anything like Meryl Streep, but sang just as bad.
I think Daniel’s trying to butter the Curmudgeon up, I hope not literally …
I bet the Curmudgeon is the kind of guy who still phones in to vote for his favorite idol even though the screen clearly says “rerun, voting closed.” Get over it, Curmey, Sanjay lost!
HAHA!!! Marilyn just b*tch slapped the Curmedgeon! BOO-YA!
High five!
Marilyn, the Curmudgeon tells me that he only did that once, and it was after a whole lot of whiskey and a whole lot of rum, which, he assures me, one should not mix. But his tears for Sanjaya (yes, his name has an “a” on the end!) are real.
And Fox, I don’t know what Creek you’re up, but we don’t use that kinda language on this here lazy river. Don’t make me come and f*ck you up.
High six, so there!
Did he get his cat back at least?
It was my cat, not the Curmudgeons, and yes, I got Snuggy-wuggums back.
Although now he has a disturbing tendency to dress like a rabbi and quote the Torah.
And, if anyone can tell me which movie I stole that joke from, I’ll say you are the primero Cinema Dude (or Dudette, as the case may be, if you’ll pardon my sexism).
The Dark Sprite? isn’t he a character on Super Smash Brothers Brawl? I love that game!
I don’t think the Curmudgeon’s much of a game player. I suspect it just rhymed with Dark Knight.