Not to take anything away from Roger Ebert, whose book “Your Movie Sucks” probably doesn’t, but dammit, how can a movie based on a show that was smart and truly creepy for so many years be so utterly and excrably bad? Don’t answer that; the truth is out there, but I don’t care any more.
The X-Files: I Want to Believe is something about a psychic-ex-priest-child-molester who has visions of an FBI agent getting abducted, and it’s such a difficult and obtuse case that Scully is called out of her new job as an staff physician in this dreary Catholic hospital, where all the priests are dicks, and asked to go find Mulder who is — I kid you not — on the run from his former employers in the agency and living on a farm.
Seems the FBI agent has been abducted by some Russian types who . . . well, wouldn’t want to spoil it for anybody who still persists in seeing this piece of crap, even after all the scathing reviews and a 32% Tomatometer rating. Personally, I’m surprised it’s that high.
Chris Carter co-wrote and directed I Want to Believe, and that’s really all there is to say about that. It has the aesthetics of a 104-minute TV show, only not nearly as good. Like the television show, it was filmed in British Columbia, which looks nothing like West Virginia where it supposedly takes place. Again, like the TV show, David Duchovny (Fox Mulder) phones his performance in, but Gillian Anderson (as Dana Scully) does ok. The cast is rounded out by Amanda Peet (whom I adore) and some rapper called Xzibit. My advice to him: “don’t give up your day job.”
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Xzibit is in the new Werner Herzog movie. I’m not even kidding.
Well, to the extent that Herzog sometimes uses real people, not actors, maybe I can see it. Xzibit is certainly no actor.
I liked Xzibit in that Pimp My Ride Show he was on. I thought he had a presence. But X-Files?!?! That’s kinda weird. I will be glad to see him directed by Herzog though.
wow.
couldn’t disagree more
Fox, I’m glad to see ANYONE directed by Herzog. I’m sure Herzog’s obsessive-indie aesthetic will mesh well with Xzibit’s wooden, one-expression zeitgeist.
Andrew, do you disagree about my X-Files review or Fox’s desire to see Xziibit in a Herzog movie?
Wasn’t Xzibit the Superman bad guy who would disappear if he said his name backwards? Or am I thinking of the rapping team of Bizarro and Myxlplyk?
Rappers are carving out quite a niche in TV and movies. Most of them can’t act, though Will Smith is actually pretty good, I think. Often, they play the Black Guy Who is a Good Guy Who is Still Wrong (see Xzibit in the above piece of sh*t).
As an X files fan I want to take this time to apoligize for this movie. Somehow they were able to offend Catholics, make some weird connection with gay marriage. The movie was horrible.
No need for apology, Richard. I enjoy the X-Files too. It was absolutely terrible, wasn’t it? Thanks for droppinf by!