Not that I care one whit about the Oscars, you understand. They are a shallow exercise in Hollywood insider politics and pandering to over-paid stars and under-dressed starlets. Really, I just cover them because I have to, you know? I really hate it, deep down in my respected-critic soul.

By the way, my star-studded Oscar preview article, jam-packed with insider info and infallible Oscar picks, comes out next week!